Decoding the Truth

If a person says one thing but communicates something different through intonation and body language, tension and distrust can arise;

The visual part of nonverbal communication is often called body language. It included expressions eye movement, posture, and gestures. The face is the best communicator of nonverbal messages. By "reading" a person's facial expression, we can detect unvocalized feelings.

Appearance is important, people do judge a book by its cover, and most of us react favorable to an expected image. In terms of dress, color can convey meaning (brown can convey trust; dark colors, power), as does style (pure fibers such as wool or silk suggest higher status). Posture is important--a relaxed posture, such as sitting back with legs stretched out and hand behind the head, signals confidence.

If a person says one thing but communicates something different through intonation and body language, tension and distrust can arise; the receiver will typically choose the nonverbal interpretation because it is more reliable than the verbal. For example, if you ask your boss when you will be eligible for a promotion and she looks out of the window, covers a yawn, and says, "I would say you might have a chance in the not-to-distant future," you should not count on being promoted soon.

ACTION POINT: Consider the importance of body language, appearance, and posture in the process of communication.

Reading Nonverbal Cues

As much as 93 percent of the meaning...can come from nonverbal channels,

Nonverbal communication is made up of visual, vocal, and tactile signals and the use of time, space, and image. As much as 93 percent of the meaning that is transmitted in face-to-face communication can come from nonverbal channels, so you should be aware of these cues.

• Nervousness. Clearing ones throat, covering the mouth while speaking, fidgeting, shifting weight from one foot to the other, tapping fingers, pacing.
• Boredom or impatience. Drumming fingers, foot swinging, brushing or picking at lint, doodling, or looking at one's watch.
• Confidence, superiority, and authority. Using relaxed and expansive gestures, such as leaning back with fingers laced behind the head and hands together at the back with chin thrust upward.
• Openness. Holding hands in an open position, having an unbuttoned coat or collar, removing one's coat, moving closer, leaning slightly forward, and uncrossing arms and legs.
• Defensiveness. Holding body rigid, with arms or legs tightly crossed, eyes glancing sideways, minimal eye contact, lips pursed, fists clenched, and downcast head.

ACTION POINT: Study nonverbal cues to help understand what is being communicated by body language.

Listening Well

...there are a number of specific techniques you can use to improve your skills

Active listening is hard work and starts with your own personal motivation. If you are unwilling to exert the effort to hear and understand, no amount of additional advice is going to improve your listening effectiveness. If you are motivated to become an effective listener, there are a number of specific techniques you can use to improve your skills:

• Make eye contact: this focuses your attention, and reduces the likelihood that you will be come distracted, and encourages the speaker.
• Show interest: use nonverbal signals, such as head nods, to convey to the speaker that you're listening.
• Avoid distracting actions: looking at your watch or shuffling papers are signs that you aren't fully attentive and might be missing part of the message.
• Take in the whole picture: interpret feelings and emotions as well as factual content.
• Ask questions: seek clarification if you don't understand something. This also reassures the speaker that you're listening to them.
• Paraphrase: restate what the speaker has said in your own words with phrases such as "what I hear you saying is..." or "Do you mean...?"
• Don't interrupt: let speakers complete their thoughts before you try to respond.
• Confront your biases: use information about speakers to improve your understanding of what they are saying, but don't let your biases distort the message.

ACTION POINT: Employ the listening skills listed above to improve understanding.

Listening Actively

To listen actively, you must concentrate intensely on what the speaker is saying

Many communication problems develop because listening skills are ignored, forgotten, or taken for granted. Active listening is making sense of what you hear. It requires paying attention and interpreting all verbal, visual, an vocal stimuli presented to you. Active listening has four essential ingredients: concentration, empathy, acceptance, and taking responsibility for completely understanding the message.

To listen actively, you must concentrate intensely on what the speaker is saying and tune out competing miscellaneous thoughts that create distractions. Try to understand what the speaker wants to communicate rather than what you want to understand. Listen objectively and resist the urge to start evaluating what the person is saying, or you may miss the rest of the message. Finally, do whatever is necessary to get the full, intended meaning from the speaker's message--listen for feelings an content, and ask questions to ensure you understood.

ACTION POINT: Take responsibility to listen actively to completely understand what is being said.

Seventh Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness

Everything God...created is good...
1 Timothy 4:4

The seventh Fruit of the Spirit is Goodness. Goodness is the affirmation of creation as good, together with a sense of oneness with the universe and with everything created. It is the disposition that perceives events, even the tragic things of life, as manifestations of God's love.

It recognizes the beauty of all creation in spite of the damage that human selfishness has imposed upon it. As a result, gratitude to God abounds in our hears and a positive attitude characterizes our relationship with others and with the wear and tear of daily life.

Psalm 27:13
I am confident that I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living