The Ninth Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control

[God's] steadfast love...never ceases...
Lamentations 3:22

The ninth Fruit of the Spirit is Self-control. Self-control as a fruit of the Spirit is not the domination of our will over our emotions. It is rather our awareness of God's abiding presence and is the result of the infusion of God's steadfast love. hence our former compulsive reaching out for security, affection, and esteem, power and status symbols ceases. in particular, there is no energy for sexual activity apart from commitment and genuine love. When Moses asked God who he was, the answer came: "I AM THAT I AM." This text is still under scholarly investigation, but one likely meaning is "I am for you." The inward assurance of God's unwavering love enhances our freedom of choice and action. Out of that interior liberty, self-control arises spontaneously. We know in spite of our weakness that God will give us the strength to get through every trial and temptation.

Lamentations 3:22
the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end...

Negotiating

Managers spend a lot of time negotiating, and need to be able to do it well.

Negotiation is a process by which tow or more parties exchange goods or services and attempt to agree upon the exchange rate for them. Managers spend a lot of time negotiating, and need to be able to do it well. They have to negotiate salaries for incoming employees, cut deals with superiors, bargain over budgets, work out differences with associates and resolve conflicts between members of their team.

There are two general approaches to negotiation: distributive and integrative bargaining. distributive bargaining assumes zero-sum conditions, that is: "Any gain I make is at your expense," and vice versa. Integrative bargaining assumes a win-win solution is possible. Each is appropriate in different situations.

Distributive bargaining tactics focus on getting an opponent to agree to a deal that meets your specific goals. Such tactics include persuading opponents of the impossibility of getting their needs met in other ways or the advisability of accepting your offer; arguing that your position is fair, while theirs is not; and trying to get the other party to feel emotionally generous toward you and accept an outcome that meets your goals.

Integrative, or win-win, bargaining is generally preferable to distributive bargaining. Distributive bargaining leaves one party a loser, and so it tends to build animosities and deepen divisions between people. On the other hand, integrative bargaining builds long=term relationships and facilitates working together in the future. It bonds negotiators and allows each to leave the bargaining table feeling that he or she has achieved a victory. For integrative bargaining to work, however, both parties must openly share all information, be sensitive to each other's needs, trust each other , and remain flexible.

ACTION POINT: Understand the two type of negotiations distributive and integrative.

How to Provide Feedback

Keep feedback descriptive and fair rather than judgmental.

Providing regular feedback to your employees will improve their performance. The following methods are effective for providing feedback.

• Talk about the job. Keep feedback job-related. Never make personal judgments, such as "you are stupid and incompetent"
• Give detail. Avoid vague statements such as "you have a bad attitude" Or "I'm impressed with the job you did." The recipient needs to understand exactly what they have or haven't done well.
• Use goals. Keep feedback goal-oriented. It's purpose is not to unload your feelings on someone.
• Make it attainable. When delivering negative feedback, make sure you only criticize shortcomings over which the person has some control.
• Ensure a good fit. Tailor the feedback to fit the person. Consider past performance and future potential in designing the frequency, amount, and content of performance feedback.
• Be non-judgmental. Keep feedback descriptive and fair rather than judgmental.
• Explain your reasons. Explain to the recipient why you are being critical or complimentary about specific aspects of their performance.

ACTION POINT: Use the tips above to provide effective feedback.

Giving Feedback

Most managers will enthusiastically give their employees positive feedback but often avoid or delay giving negative feedback, or substantially distort it, for fear of provoking a defensive reaction. However, improving employees' performance depends on balanced and considered feedback.

Providing regular feedback to your employees will improve their performance. This is because:

• Feedback tells the person how well they are progressing toward those goals. Positive feedback gives reinforcement, while constructive negative feedback can result in increased effort.
• The content of the feedback will suggest ways that the person can improve their performance.
• Providing feedback demonstrates to a person that you care about how they are doing.

As a rule positive feedback is usually accepted readily, while negative feedback often meets resistance. When preparing to deliver negative feedback, first make sure you are aware of any conflict that could arise and think about how to deal with it. Ensure that negative feedback comes from a credible source, that it is objective, and that it is supported by hard data such as quantitative performance indicators and specific examples.

ACTION POINT: Provide feedback, positive and negative as needed to improve your teams performance.

Effective Approaches to Teaching Skills

Making it clear to the learner what is really required of them, and why this is important.


There are several useful approaches to teaching skills to others. Below are some of them:

• Being prepared - Knowing ahead of time what you want the outcome of your skills training to be. This works because unless you know where you want things to go, you won't know how to conduct yourself to get there.
• Listening - Keeping communication lines open and indicating to others that their opinions are important. The key to effectively teaching a skill is often expressed by the learner, but overlooked by the manager when they fail to hear it.
• Using questions - Presenting a concept, options for applying it, and the consequences, then asking the learner what they will do. By asking rather than telling an employee how best to apply a new skill shows respect, and because it allows them to think it through for themselves, it helps them to learn faster.
• Being positive - Correcting mistakes in a positive way, not in one that is patronizing or makes others feel worthless and inferior. This helps motive the person you are teaching.
• Being honest and upfront - Making it clear to the learner what is really required of them, and why this is important.
• Setting performance targets - Indicating the acceptable level of performance you expect from those you are teaching and holding them to it.

ACTION POINT: Consider the approaches above when teaching new skills.