Becoming More Assertive

Ask yourself, Am I assertive enough?

• Does my response accurately reflect how I feel if I'm given a compliment about my work?
• Am I able to speak up when I'm in a group of strangers?
• If others interrupt me when I am talking, can I hold my ground?
• Do I avoid being taken advantage of by other people?
• Am I able to criticize others work if I think they might react badly?

Becoming more assertive can be developed by practicing the following:

• State your case - Try beginning your conversations with "I" phrases, such as "I think," "i believe," or "I need."
• Be prepared - Prepare for tricky encounters: have all the facts at hand, and try to anticipate the other person's replies.
• Use open questions - If you are finding it hard to get a person to talk to you, use open questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" answer.
• Visualize yourself - try assertive role play with a trusted colleague, to help you to see yourself as an assertive person.
• Get perspective - Try to see the situation form the other person's point of view. Most workplace bullies, for example, are hiding their own insecurities or an inability to do the job. Use this knowledge to give you perspective on any feelings of intimidation or offense you experience, and offer the bull help to overcome their problems.
• Be patient - You'll need time to practice to become comfortable with the new behavior. if you are naturally a passive person, recognize that those around you may initially be uncomfortable when you start to become more assertive.

ACTION POINT: Use preparation, perspective and patience to develop your assertiveness.

Applying Assertiveness

Assertive - being able to make clear statements of what you want from others in a given situation, without being abrasive or demeaning.

An effective manager needs to behave in an active and assertive manner to get things done. Assertive managers are able to express their feelings and act with appropriate degrees of openness and candor, but still have a regard for the feelings or rights of others.

Assertiveness and the ability to express your feelings to others are skills that people possess to different extents. Some are aggressive, direct, and blunt, and can appear domineering, pushy, or self-centered. Most people tend to be passive, inhibited, and submissive; they bottle up their feelings and fail even to stand up for their legitimate rights. Passive individuals seek to avoid conflicts and tend to sublimate their own needs and feelings in order to satisfy others.

Most people fall between the extremes of passive and aggressive. At these extremes, passive and aggressive behaviors hinder effective managerial relations because neither encourages openness. Effective managers need to be assertive, express their ideas and feelings openly, and stand up for their rights, and all in a way that makes it easier for those they are managing to do the same. The assertive manager is always sensitive to the needs of others; he or she does not seek to rule less assertive people. Trying to achieve dominance may produce short-term results but will not make the best use of the abilities of members of your team.

ACTION POINT: Express your ideas clearly and confidently and encourage your team to do the same.