Reading Nonverbal Cues

As much as 93 percent of the meaning...can come from nonverbal channels,

Nonverbal communication is made up of visual, vocal, and tactile signals and the use of time, space, and image. As much as 93 percent of the meaning that is transmitted in face-to-face communication can come from nonverbal channels, so you should be aware of these cues.

• Nervousness. Clearing ones throat, covering the mouth while speaking, fidgeting, shifting weight from one foot to the other, tapping fingers, pacing.
• Boredom or impatience. Drumming fingers, foot swinging, brushing or picking at lint, doodling, or looking at one's watch.
• Confidence, superiority, and authority. Using relaxed and expansive gestures, such as leaning back with fingers laced behind the head and hands together at the back with chin thrust upward.
• Openness. Holding hands in an open position, having an unbuttoned coat or collar, removing one's coat, moving closer, leaning slightly forward, and uncrossing arms and legs.
• Defensiveness. Holding body rigid, with arms or legs tightly crossed, eyes glancing sideways, minimal eye contact, lips pursed, fists clenched, and downcast head.

ACTION POINT: Study nonverbal cues to help understand what is being communicated by body language.

Aligning Your Verbal and Nonverbal Messages

Check that your body language, tone of voice, and other aspects of nonverbal communication reinforce the spoken part of your message.

The following techniques can help:

Paraphrase: Mirror the resister’s points. For example, “So you’re saying that you think I’m just advancing the party line. Is that right?’ Paraphrasing prompts you listener to respond with comments such as, “Well, yeah—I do.” By getting the person to agree with you—even in this small way—you establish common ground, which can make the individual more receptive to your ideas.

Clarify the issues: Identify the resister’s primary concerns. For instance, “So what I hear you saying is that you have two main problems with my proposal. The first one you mentioned is probably the most important, right?’ Again you’ve established a level of understanding and agreement. You’ve also shown that you’re capable of sorting out the vital issues.

Check that your body language, tone of voice, and other aspects of nonverbal communication reinforce the spoke part of your message. If they don’t, you resisters may view you as not credible or as conflicted about your position—two things that can stiffen their resistance.

For example, to telegraph confidence in your position, check that your posture is upright, your gestures, assertive, your gaze direct, and your voice loud enough to be heard—but not so loud as to intimidate or annoy listeners.

Many successful persuaders rehears nonverbal behaviors just as much as spoke presentations. Effective persuaders also recognize when they are becoming overly emotional or angry—two behaviors that are inappropriate in many persuasion situations. They recover by openly acknowledging and apologizing for such behaviors. Having the courage to publicly admit a mistake in this way can help further establish trust and credibility.

ACTION POINT: Reinforce the verbal techniques of paraphrasing and clarifying the issues with the appropriate body language.