Sixth Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness

Help me to learn God's gentle way.

The sixth Fruit of the Spirit is Gentleness. Gentleness is a participation in God's way of doing things that is at once gentle and firm, sustaining all creation with its enormous diversity, yet without effort. We labor in the service of God more than ever, and yet have the sense of stepping back and watching God make things happen according to his will both in ourselves and in others.

Our anxious efforts to serve God and our anguished search of God cease. Like God we labor and are at rest at the same time. We work hard but we know by experience, even by bitter experience, that our efforts are not going to go anywhere except insofar as God makes them fruitful. Hence vanity, jealousy, and contention--which often accompany even our spiritual endeavors--are gradually evacuated, leaving immense freedom just to be who we are and to serve the special needs of those around us.

Matthew 11:29 Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart...

Fathers Be Good to Your Daughters

This lyric got stuck in my head this past week. Not the whole song but just that lyric. It stuck when my youngest daughter brought home her proofs for her senior pictures. That's my Pie on the left. She's my youngest, smart, brave (actually fearless to a fault) and beautiful. She is starting her senior year and thinking about college.

That's my bear on the right. Kind, hilarious and beautiful. She's all grown up now with a few years of college behind her and the uncertain road of the future before her. She is nannying and thinking about what her next step will be.

Daughters like these make that lyric stand out. "Fathers be good to your daughters." That's a weighty call to a dad. What does it mean to be good to your daughter? I don't know the answer. I only know that I wanted to treat these girls in such a way that any man that ever wanted to date them would have to meet a high standard for what "being good to them" meant. After all these girls are smart, kind, fearless, funny, beautiful and most of all, loved.

When I look at these pictures, or when I'm having dinner with my daughters, or when I think about the years of their growing up, I think about that lyric. I think about what wonderful daughters I have. I think about being good to them. I love these girls.

ACTION POINT: Fathers be good to your daughters.

Dealing with Conflict

Having a clear understanding of your own personal values will help you to manage these conflict situations.

It can be challenging when your personal values conflict with those of your organization, or when there are conflicting values between individuals or sub-groups. Value differences can exist, for example, about how to perform jobs, the nature of reward systems, or the degree of intimacy in work relationships. Having a clear understanding of your own personal value will help you to manage these conflict situations. If you are clear about your own values, you can act with integrity and practice what you preach regardless of emotional or social pressure.

To address a conflict situation, first make sure you are aware of, understand, and are tolerant of the value differences held by the other parties. This will help you to determine whether the value conflict is, in fact, irresolvable and will require personnel changes, or whether compromises and adjustments can be made to accommodate the different perspectives.

Values can be classified into two types: terminal and instrumental. Terminal values (your “ends” in life) are desirable ends or goals, such as a comfortable, prosperous life, world peace, great wisdom, or salvation. Instrumental values (the “means” to those ends) are beliefs about what behaviors are appropriate in striving for desired goals and ends. Consider a manager who works extra hours to help deliver a customers rush order. The attitude displayed is a willingness to help a customer with a problem. The value that serves as the foundation for this attitude might be that of service to others.

ACTION POINT: Understand the roles that values play in conflicts.

Clarifying Your Values

Your values manifest themselves in everything you do and the choices that you make.

Values are stable and enduring beliefs about what is good, right and worthwhile and about the behavior that is desirable for achieving what is worthwhile. To be an effective manager, it is necessary to have a good understanding of what your values are and to act accordingly.

Values are formed early in our lives, from the influence of our parents, teachers, friends, religious leaders and media role models. Some may change as we go through life and experience different behaviors. Your values manifest themselves in everything you do and the choices that you make. If you are someone who particularly values promptness, for example, you will make sure that you always behave in ways that mean you are on time for appointments. The thought of being late will stimulate feelings of stress in you, and induce a subsequent adrenaline rush as you hurry to be at the appointment on time. As a manager, it is important for you to clarify your values, so that you can determine what your goals are and how you want to manage yourself and others to achieve them.

It may sound strange, but one of the best ways to clarify your personal values and gain a clear understanding of what is important to you to is to think about how you would like to be remembered in your eulogy. Sit quietly and consider how you want your friends and family to remember you, and what you want your work colleagues to say they thought of you. Also think of your broader contributions—how would you like to be remembered in the communities you are a part of?

ACTION POINT: Identify and clarify your values.

Shaping the Environment

Organizations differ based on the management style used.

Organizations that are designed based on X-style assumptions are very different to those designed by Y-style managers. For example, because they believe that their workers are motivated to help the organization reach its goals, Y-style managers will decentralize authority and give more control to workers than will X-style managers. A Y-style manager realizes that most people are not resistant to organizational needs by nature, but may have become so as a result of negative experiences, and strives to design structures that involve the employees in executing their work roles, such as participative management and joint goal setting. These approaches allow employees to exercise some self-directions and self-control in their work lives.

In Y-style management, although individuals and groups are still accountable for their activities, the role of the manger is not to exert control but to provide support and advice and to make sure that workers have the resources they need to effectively perform their jobs. By contrast, X-style managers consider their role to be to monitor workers to ensure that they contribute to the production process and do not threaten product quality.

ACTION POINT: Consider which management style is more effective for the team you manage.