Aligning Your Verbal and Nonverbal Messages

Check that your body language, tone of voice, and other aspects of nonverbal communication reinforce the spoken part of your message.

The following techniques can help:

Paraphrase: Mirror the resister’s points. For example, “So you’re saying that you think I’m just advancing the party line. Is that right?’ Paraphrasing prompts you listener to respond with comments such as, “Well, yeah—I do.” By getting the person to agree with you—even in this small way—you establish common ground, which can make the individual more receptive to your ideas.

Clarify the issues: Identify the resister’s primary concerns. For instance, “So what I hear you saying is that you have two main problems with my proposal. The first one you mentioned is probably the most important, right?’ Again you’ve established a level of understanding and agreement. You’ve also shown that you’re capable of sorting out the vital issues.

Check that your body language, tone of voice, and other aspects of nonverbal communication reinforce the spoke part of your message. If they don’t, you resisters may view you as not credible or as conflicted about your position—two things that can stiffen their resistance.

For example, to telegraph confidence in your position, check that your posture is upright, your gestures, assertive, your gaze direct, and your voice loud enough to be heard—but not so loud as to intimidate or annoy listeners.

Many successful persuaders rehears nonverbal behaviors just as much as spoke presentations. Effective persuaders also recognize when they are becoming overly emotional or angry—two behaviors that are inappropriate in many persuasion situations. They recover by openly acknowledging and apologizing for such behaviors. Having the courage to publicly admit a mistake in this way can help further establish trust and credibility.

ACTION POINT: Reinforce the verbal techniques of paraphrasing and clarifying the issues with the appropriate body language.